Why Peace Feels Uncomfortable at First

We like the idea of peace. We say we want it. Yet when it finally arrives, many people find it strangely uncomfortable.

The first encounter with real calm can feel like walking into unfamiliar territory. The nervous system, long accustomed to tension, doesn’t know what to do with silence. It’s been conditioned to chaos.

The biology of stillness

When the body spends years in a low-grade fight-or-flight state, stress becomes normal. The rush of adrenaline and cortisol feels like energy, a familiar hum that says, “You’re alive, you’re doing something.”

When that hum fades, the body begins to recalibrate. The slowing of the heart, the quieting of the mind, can trigger a sense of unease. Paradoxically, peace can feel like danger, because the nervous system has learned to associate stillness with threat.

The psychology of busyness

Modern life rewards movement. We equate busyness with value, speed with competence, and exhaustion with success. Doing becomes proof of worth. So when the busyness stops, we feel lost. The mind asks, Who am I if I’m not achieving, fixing, or planning?

That’s why silence can be confronting — it holds up a mirror to our inner restlessness.

Gentle practices for becoming comfortable with calm

If peace feels strange at first, treat it like meeting an old friend you haven’t seen in years.

Start small. Spend a few minutes each day sitting quietly without a goal. Notice the body’s reactions: the fidgeting, the urge to reach for your phone, the flood of thoughts. That’s not failure. It’s your system unwinding.

Breathe. Let the discomfort be there. Over time, the body begins to trust stillness again. You start to realise that peace isn’t an empty space. It’s a living presence waiting to be recognised.

Reflection questions

1. When do you feel most uneasy in silence?

2. What do you tend to reach for when things go quiet?

3. What might peace look like if you stopped trying to do it?

You can explore this theme in Living from the Heart and my upcoming retreat, Living Calmly from the Heart.